U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
A+ Viking dick
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize