My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
