Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
