I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
