He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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