Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
