you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
