I feel like I'm in dance class right now
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
