i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
