I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Can I color on your dick again?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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