we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
