sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
