just come out here and I will go home with you...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am midnight drunk by noon
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
