What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
