I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
