I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm at about main and main street
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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