she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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