so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
