He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
