The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
