when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
