i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
