Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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