matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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