I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
