holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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