You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So much rum. So many feels.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
