if you like me you must not know who I am
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
