Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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