I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
