We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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