No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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