my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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