I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
