So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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