If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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