wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
