Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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