Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
