He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
