He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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