you guys were way drunker than both of me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
