i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
