How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
