I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
