Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
