My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
