i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
