i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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