U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
