Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
