You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
