so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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