i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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