I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i think i have two assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt know i had herpes?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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