I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
