I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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