Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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