Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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