I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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