the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
