I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
