Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
