did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
