I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
