dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
