That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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