How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
