Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
