His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
