My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
