I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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